The Wicked Stepmother

The old myth - the wicked stepmother - continues to this day. I think we, as a society, are hesitant to let go of this label. It reminds us of Walt Disney, the cackling witches and evil stepmothers... a strange link somehow to our childhood.

But strip away the cartoons and is there really any merit to this? Actually, no. In fact I think we deserve one helluva round of applause. I believe we have one of the toughest roles in a blended family. Many times you are simply not wanted. You cook, clean, tuck them in at night and you know you are just a breath away from "You aren't my mother!!!. It is a tiring, thankless role.

So why do it? Because hopefully we love our spouses enough to step outside of our comfort zone and share our lives a little bit more with others. We realize that our spouses don't come with "baggage" but a true extension of themselves.

Any person who walks into a stepparenting role without love for themselves and for their spouse (and if your are lucky, love for your stepchildren too) is in for a tough ride because when the crap hits the fan, and it will, love will be the deciding factor.

You see, I view it this way: We aren't as naive as we once were. We won't stick around because of standards of living or co-dependancy. No, not us. We are the warriors. We have already had our "Vietnam".

If we look at the stats then it is safe to say that the majority of stepparents have already went through their own divorce. Many of us are now wading into the murky and uncertain waters of marriage #2, 3, etc.. But, we are not entering this phase clouded by rainbows and butterflies. Oh no, we are far more seasoned than that. We know our limitations. We tend not to commit ourselves to another relationship as easily. We are more cautious, more hesistant, more level-headed. This knowledge and awareness keeps us grounded during the rocky times.

If you are new to stepparenting, the best advice I can give is trust yourself and be patient. Strong, decent relationships don't develop overnight. You already have the odds stacked against you so be prepared for somewhat of an uphill battle. Just don't buckle at the knees when times get tough. Children, especially stepchildren, will push boundaries. If you have buttons, and you do, they will find them. This too shall pass.

Worse Case Scenario: So they find your broom. Big deal. Tell them their mother must have left it there when she dropped them off last weekend.